a breakdown by the numbers
reflections on a day
This is obviously old because I haven’t had a subway commute since, like, 1954 I think.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of times I was forced to unpair my earphones from my phone. Today it was zero. This means something when a significant portion of your job amounts to mindlessly watching videos all day with those same headphones while your smartphone pulls at your ankles from the bottom of an endless well of visual and sonic possibilities.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of times I took my earphones out of my ear. Today it was nine. This means something when you’d rather stay tethered to your phone than tethered to others.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of times I did that thing where I sigh in frustration and mutter a curse to myself despite feeling no ill feelings, only to realize that I’ve done it out of boredom. Today it was four. This means something when you’ve been worried about the new thing your heart is doing that you can only imagine is what people are talking about when they say their heart is beating out of their chest, leaving you with the resultant wonder of whether or not your realization of this unwelcome sensation is in fact the very thing that is enabling it to occur.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of times I assured myself, “I deserve it.” Today it was twice. This means something when you have lived yourself into a position wherein just one is too many, and means something more when that position is a corner.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of times I thought positively about the past and the number of times I thought positively about the future, but only upon subtracting the former from the latter. Today it was two and one, which nets a negative one. This means something when you’ve begun to wonder if there is an algorithm that can tell you where your mind is and where you would probably most like it to be.
I can tell a lot about the day I had by the number of subway stops that were unexpectedly bypassed on my way to where I’m going. Today it was eight. This means something when you live at the end of a line, and work at the other end of it.
